How to Set Healthy Boundaries: Act of Self - Love.
So many people including myself have had trouble setting healthy boundaries with people due to a lack of self-love and that is the truth, once you truly love yourself you will no longer put up with less than you deserve even if that means being alone.
In my adult years from 16-24, I had no boundaries or any type of self-love due to childhood trauma that was not healed, my inner child needed to feel like I belonged somewhere, I remember finding myself most of my life in one-sided friendship and relationships where I always played a part of being the friend that everyone knew who to call when they needed someone, I was always that friend people felt like they could just dump everything on because they felt I could handle it. I was that girlfriend who could not say no even when I wanted to.
I remember being so fed up at 23 because I had friends who weren’t really for me, I was in an abusive situation ship that did nothing for me but break me down. I decided I was going to change my life, and I always knew the right people would eventually find me. I started healing myself I did things like going into nature, working out, cutting of those people in my life who did not serve a good purpose, I started going to therapy and my therapist allowed me to realize I didn’t love myself like I actually thought I Did so I needed to do the work.
When we maintain healthy boundaries in all seven domains we will thrive, but when others cross or violate our boundaries, there will be a personal cost if we do not address them. Four types of boundaries Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual.
Let’s discuss ways we can set healthy boundaries:
Set boundaries early on: Identify your limits when somebody makes you uncomfortable, Physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally please speak up don't allow people to overstep and make you feel uncomfortable. If you have trouble speaking up send a text message or write an email but the issue needs to be addressed early on.
Cleary Communicate your boundaries: Example:
Hey, I do not like the way you just spoke to me it made me very uncomfortable, could you please not speak to me like that again? (Emotional Boundary)
I do not like being touched in certain areas (state areas) Set this early on especially if you have dealt with sexual assault. (Physical Boundary)
I get uncomfortable when people are too close to me, I need a little more personal space. (Physical Boundary)
I will not check work emails after (Insert time)
Hey, please do not make fun of me for what I believe in please keep your comments to yourself about my faith and I will do the same. (Spiritual Boundary )
Learn to say NO! - You are the author of your own life, why put up with things when you don’t need to? Learn to say no, it’s harder said than done trust me I know, but my life has been more peaceful just by saying no and learning to walk away from things and people that done align with my path.
Know your limits: That ties in with learning to say no, The more we know ourselves the more we learn our limits.
I want you all to know that you aren’t alone setting boundaries is so scary, but it must be done in order to protect your Mind, body and Spirit. Comment below some ways you prioritize your boundaries: